The Hedge Fund

Does that conifer of yours garner more dick jokes than praise?

When it comes to landscaping, what starts out as a simple trimming job can quickly turn out to be a massive balls up.

But enough of the genital talk. You could be sick of it already depending on the state of your conifer. But I digress.

Because I’m talking topiary. A word I just learnt five minutes ago.

The art of turning plants into sculptures.

Turning trees and shrubs into all kinds of decorative shapes and figures takes a lot of patience and precision. One wrong move could certainly spell disaster.

And for some, the state of their garden is as much the state of their pride.

Which is perfect.

Because while some are into the art of turning plants into shapes, we’re into the art of making money.

And so when things do go wrong, we’re there to provide a service.

Introducing the hedge fund.

But ditch the thought of an investment portfolio.

Because this hedge fund is an insurance company for your plants.

Botched one of your shrubs, so your garden full of perfectly round spheres now features an egg gone bad?

Not to worry. Because a hedge fund will come in and replace the shrub with a new one cut to size just for you.

Providing peace of mind to plant sculptors around the world.

And that’s just good business.